.Wednesday, May 13, 2009 ' 1:35 AM
sometimes i wish i could just...have no emotions at all.
have no feelings.
so i wont go through this shit.
after th wake up call from youknowwho, i sat infront of my comp. just thinking.
i know. i need to let go. i just cant. now thinking about it makes my head spin.
id really like to thank youknowwho for giving me a slap in the face. even though youre miles away from me. just reading those words hurts me like fuck. and whats more it made perfect sense. but i just cant accept it. i just cant explain it. it just hurts. thoughts overflowed in my head.
i want to let go. i want to let go. i want to let go. i want to let go.
among all of the things my friends said to make me feel better. yours impacted me the most. and it didnt make me feel better. in fact. it hurted me the most.
more than any insult anyone has thrown at me. but it did wake me up.
ive decided i just have to accept the fact that she is and will always be, my friend. and nothing more.
whats more. another someone said i have changed...alot. and im sorry i made u feel that way. but im still me. just abit busier. and with ALOT of other things in my mind. i want to just let it all out. i just dont know which t let out first. im sorry.
what youknowwho said its true. im just in denial. lieing to myself. flooding my own mind with false hope. and thats not me. thats not akid.
im the annoying happy go lucky asshole. im the guy who never watches his words. im the guy whos straight forward. im the guy who...who...
i want th old me back...
